im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
