pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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