Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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