Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
