this boner is exhausting
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
