I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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