i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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