Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
