And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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