I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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