When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nicole vs. Life
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Semen is not good for contacts.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
