found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
