K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
