so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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