I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
