Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
