Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
