I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
