I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
