I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
