she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
