I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
