is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
