I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
