Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
