I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
