3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Houston, we have a squirter
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
