you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
