Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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