I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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