just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
