He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Less talking, more tequila
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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