I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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