It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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