i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
