is your mom at the bar?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
