So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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