So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
