i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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