You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
