Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
