So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
