It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
