I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
