we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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