I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
