I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
