Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
