Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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