I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
