my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Two words: blizzard sex
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
