I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
