I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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