just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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