STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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