Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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