I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
